When I Grow Up, I Want To Be...

I never wanted to be a ballerina when I grew up.  I knew I was far too clumsy to dance on my toes.  In fact, when I was 4 or 5 the dance and gymnastics teacher asked my grandmother not to bring me back to class because I kept running into the other girls and squashing them.  Coordination is not one of my stronger talents.

Honestly I don't remember having a lot of "when I grow up" dreams. Don't get me wrong, I dreamed about being older, but I never made it past "graduate from college and get a job."  I really had no idea what that job was supposed to be.  In fact, I remember graduating from college with an engineering degree, landing my first job, and then realizing I had no idea what was supposed to happen next.  I had checked all the boxes I could think of.  I figured I would get married some day, and I suspected I would have children, but I really had no good idea what was supposed to happen next.

After many years of being "grown up," (My father probably laughed really hard at that statement, potentially hard enough to spit milk out his nose.) I have determined that growing up isn't a destination, but a journey.  I don't think you reach any finish line, or cross any threshold that determines you have arrived in a magical land called "grown up."  There is no bouquet of flowers or trophy sitting on a stage waiting for you. Sad, but true...

Growing up is something that happens one experience, one heartache, and one victory at a time.  It is the state we find ourselves in after we have accomplished something we didn't think we could do, or failed in a way we never thought possible.  It is what happens when we sacrifice something of ourselves for the benefit of someone else.  Growing up can be painful, but it can also be exhilarating.

The important part is taking the lessons you learned and choosing how to let them change you. There are many bitter people in this world who have let their life experiences change them into unhappy, miserable people.  Others seem to ignore their experiences and continually repeat the same mistakes.  Still others spend a little too much time dwelling in the past and forget to move forward.

I may never perform on stage in well worn toe shoes, but I can and will use the talents I have learned to present my best self to the world.  I will continue to volunteer at the school, cook dinner for my family, make beds, help friends and neighbors, contribute to my community and give back to those around me.  What I have learned while "growing up" is that none of us do this alone.  There is a long cast list of characters, with parts both large and small, that assist us in our journey, just as we assist in the journey of others.

When I grow up, I want to be...well, there isn't just one answer.  It changes every day, but for now I will settle for being a little bit better than I was yesterday.  How about you?  What do you want to be?

Teaching Responsibility

Responsibility is one of those things we learn over a lifetime.  I remember thinking I was very responsible in High School.  Ha! If I only knew what was coming down the road...

It used to be that kids got up before the sun, completed chores, then went to school, came home, completed school work, then finished up the day with chores.  Now, they role out of bed before school, come home, argue about school work and refuse to do chores.

What happened?

Without moving to the farm and asking our kids to milk the cows, how do we teach our kids responsibility?  Knowing how to finish what they start, how to put effort into their labors and how to be proud of their work are all important lessons.  If we can't teach those things, we will send our children out into the world without being ready to take it on.

So that is the question for the day...How does one teach responsibility?

Frantic Friday #14 - The Sickies

We have had yet another week of sickness in the house.  You would think I was used to it by now...but I'm not.  You would think I had a plan for it...but I don't.

I am not a fan of sick people in my house.  Don't get me wrong, I love them all dearly, but after a while I am ready for a change.  If you saw my house you would laugh.  It is piled with laundry, stacked with dishes and drowning in toys.

When someone in the family is sick it feels like everything changes priority.  While that seems natural, some things just can't fall by the wayside for too long. My suggestion is to pick a few important tasks and leave the rest for when health returns.  If I had to pick my important tasks, I would select:

1. Keep the kitchen picked up.  I get so depressed when the kitchen is buried under a ton of dishes.  For some reason the dishes multiply faster when there are sick people around.  There is the practical reason to keep the kitchen clean, namely to eliminate the extra germs, but really, for me, it is the one place in the house that seems normal.
2. Do minimal laundry.  I am in the "wait until you are almost naked" camp when it comes to laundry when we have sickies in the house.  Taking care of someone who is sick can be draining.  Then again, looking at piles of undone laundry can be draining. So if you decide to hold off, hide the laundry.  Yep hide it.  No use looking at an undone task.
3. Go grocery shopping only when starving. I say this because surveys show the two places people have no qualms about going when ill are the doctor's office and grocery store/pharmacy.  That means there are even more germs there, and if you are already sick, the likelihood you will pick up something else is high. (Okay, here I am being honest again, please stay home so I don't have to collect more germs the next time I have to go to the store...) Really, shopping for food when ill is the pits.  If you have a healthy person to send, that's great!
4. Enjoy the PJ's.  When we have sick people at home it is more likely that everyone will spend a day or two in their PJ's.  While doing this on a regular basis is not likely a good idea, a few days of down time can do everyone some good.  If you have younger kids, PJ's can also remind them we are having a quieter day. (I'm all for quiet days!)
5. Keep track of deadlines.  I know this one sounds like a bummer, but when sick, it is easy to forget things you do all the time.  If you have a meeting, remember to reschedule it.  If you have a commitment, find someone else to fill it. If you have bills that are due, remember to pay them. You will be a lot happier once you are healthy if you don't drop your deadlines while sick.
6. Know your limits.  This last tip is important.  If you have a sick family member, know when to call the doctor, know when to find outside activities for the kids, and know when to get out of the house yourself.  Getting a little alone time can be vital to being a good caretaker. Just know when it is time to cry uncle.

So here is my new "sickie in the house" plan. Do you have any additions?  I would love to hear them!

Responsibility - Or Lack Thereof - Re-Visiting High School

Every so often I have a spare moment to reflect, and recently I realized how different my responsibility level is now that I am an adult. I remember thinking I was the most responsible kid on the planet when I was in high school.  Now I just laugh.

I'm sure you have heard at least one person in your life talk about going back to high school to do it all over again.  I don't know if I could.  While it was not the most socially pleasant time in my life, I think the hardest part would be the lack of responsibility I would have.  I'm not sure once you have responsibility you can easily give it up again.

I think I would feel "off" if I didn't have kids to take care of, a home to maintain and bills to pay.  Much of my identity is wrapped up in what I am responsible for each day. I'm not sure I would be comfortable thinking about only myself and not those I need to care for. (Once again, not a comment a teenager would make!)

One thing I would enjoy about redoing high school is the perspective I now have. For some reason who shares my locker is not the drama it once was. I also do not care who sits with whom at lunch, or who is taking whom to the dance.  In the long run it really doesn't matter.

Another thing that would be better is the homework.  I remember thinking it was so hard, and so much effort.  I really wanted to do other things.  If homework was my only responsibility other than cleaning up my room I think I would now give it a lot more attention.  Looking back, I was surrounded by many amazing teachers who had knowledge I was too naive to take advantage of.

During all of these musings I realized the things I would enjoy now about high school all stem from my current understanding of responsibility.  Responsibility gives perspective, and perspective changes priorities.  While the road to more responsibility can be tough, and perspective can be a hard won creation, I find the priorities I have now show how far I have come in life.

In a few years, I am sure my priorities will have changed again and I will see more personal growth.


They say you can't go back, and I think they may be right.  It is impossible to unlearn what you know.  It is impossible to undo the growth you have experienced.  It is also impossible to un-feel the responsibility you have earned.  And who wants to go back anyway?  I have already climbed that hill.  Now it is time to climb the mountain ahead.

Responsibility and National Emergency Preparedness Month

To paraphrase a great quote, "Some people are born responsible, and others have responsibility thrust upon them..."

I remember the day I realized I was a mom and no one was going to do that for me.  I was sleep deprived, emotionally drained and overwhelmed.  At that moment I realized I was in this for the long haul.  I had definitely had responsibility thrust upon me.  I hear parenting can do that.

One of the responsibilities I have, besides raising kids, cleaning house, preparing food and driving taxi service for the kids, is to prepare them for emergencies.  Things like knowing their phone number, their address and their parent's names can be the difference between safety and crisis. The last I checked, averting crisis to the best of my ability is also a responsibility I have.

Responsibility can come in many forms, but when it comes to emergency preparedness we each have a responsibility to ourselves and those we hold dear. You have heard the phrase, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..." well it is true and important to remember.

September is National Emergency Preparedness Month.  As a nation we remember September 11, and vow to never experience the trauma again.  While most of us cannot personally change foreign policy or direct armies, we can prepare ourselves and families.  We can learn important skills such as first aid and we can establish a family disaster plan. We can record our plans and practice them until each family member knows what to do.

We can take responsibility for our preparedness, and we should.

So take the time this month, while you are reminded frequently, to prepare your family.  If you are overwhelmed, then start small, but do something. Being responsible for your own welfare and safety is an important step towards overall preparedness.

Just remember, you can choose to be responsible now or you can have responsibility thrust upon you later.